Monday, December 1, 2008

The 5 Worst-Looking Movies of the End of 2008

First of all, my sincere apologies for the lack of updates over the last week. I had meant to get this post up last weekend, but schoolwork and then Thanksgiving plans interfered and I had to put it off. But here it is now, just in time (I hope!) for you to check out these trailers and save yourself from spending any money on the worst-looking movies coming out before 2009. I’ve ranked them from best to worst, but rest assured – none of them look good at all, so it doesn’t really matter all that much.

5. The Tale of Despereaux

The first of two computer-animated movies to make this list, the only reason The Tale of Despereaux is rated better is because its animation looks significantly prettier. But unfortunately for Despereaux, looks aren’t everything, and this movie just seems like a boring Dumbo rip-off. Others may find something to like here, but I certainly won’t be going out of my way to see it.

4. Punisher: War Zone

Punisher: War Zone has had a long and troubled history, which actually makes me a bit sorry to say that I think it will end up being terrible. Thomas Jane, the star of the 2004 Punisher movie (which had its flaws, but was still enjoyable), was incredibly excited to make this sequel. He was probably more dedicated to the movie than anyone, and he spent hours working out each day for months to make his portrayal of the character even better this time around. But when he found out what direction the filmmakers intended to go with the project, he dropped out, and very publicly at that.

Since then everything related to War Zone has only contributed to its downward spiral, from its casting of Ray Stevenson as the main character to the the abysmal trailer above (complete with spinning-in-circles-upside-down machine gun firing). I’ll honestly be sad to see what could have been a great franchise crash and burn this holiday season.

3. Four Christmases

The problem with a lot of comedies is that they give away their best jokes in the trailer. However, the problem with Four Christmases is slightly different. The jokes in the trailer are not the least bit funny, and the fact that it’s reduced to showing us a puking baby in a last-ditch effort to make us laugh is really pretty pathetic. Vince Vaughn has proven he can do better, so there’s no reason why he should still be making movies like this.

2. Delgo

I watched this trailer three times in an effort to determine what Delgo is about, and I still have no idea. I might have given it a fourth shot too, if not for the fear that seeing it one more time would induce me to jump off a tall building. Delgo honestly looks so bad that I can’t imagine anyone at all is looking forward to seeing it. I say that not only because the plot is absolutely incoherent – it’s also just an ugly film to look at. And if the trailer itself isn’t bad enough, just take a look at voice “talent” listed at the end. Seriously, Burt Reynolds and Kelly Ripa? Boy, I can’t wait.

1. Will Eisner’s The Spirit

If you’ve seen the trailer, I don’t think the sheer awfulness of The Spirit requires any explanation on my part. But my main problem with this movie isn’t just that it looks bad, it’s that they tacked Will Eisner’s name onto the front of it (they didn't do it in this trailer, but it's in virtually every other trailer or advertisement for the movie).

Will Eisner was the main pioneer of serialized comic stories in the 1940s and 1950s, and in many ways Eisner is to comic books as Walt Disney is to animated movies. However, the Spirit character in this movie has nothing to do with the classic character created by Eisner (save for his appearance). Instead, director Frank Miller has opted to make a pseudo-sequel to Sin City starring a guy with a mask and a red tie. Please, whatever you do, say no to stupidity and avoid this movie at all costs.

And with that, we've reached the end of what I think are the five worst-looking movies coming out in the last month or so of 2008. If by some freak occurrence any of them turn out to not be utter trash, I’ll be more than happy to acknowledge that when I’ve seen them for myself. From what I’ve seen, though, I really doubt that is going to happen.

So what do you think? Do these movies look bad, or am I being overly critical? And, more to the overall point of this post – are there any movies coming out this year that you think look worse?

1 comment:

Josh Brunsting said...

I don't think Four Christmases will be good, or is good, as it is out now I guess, but it does have one hell of a pedigree, particularly in the directors chair, as Seth Gordon is at the helm, and after The King of Kong, I will trust him with pretty much everything.